Ode to my House

Summer seems to have ended, marked by 4 days of cold rain. Dunedin houses are not well built and most are uninsulated, making for a chilly, damp house. Here is an ode to our own house...

Oh House!

My cold, cold house!
You welcome in the Arctic winds
With paper-thin plywood walls and no insulation
Doors with breezy gaps and windows that rattle
A house with one heat source that only warms the living room
leaving the bedrooms freezing

My ridiculous, impractical house!
Without a vent for a clothes dryer
or an electrical outlet in the bathroom
With a stovetop positioned in a corner that requires advanced yoga to use
A house that once locked from the inside, can only be unlocked with keys
making a quick escape impossible

My cheap, unattractive house!
With textured wallpaper in appalling colors
Curtains from unwanted fabric in the remnant pile
Gaps and uneven lines in the woodwork
A house with shoddy cabinets, plastic counter tops, unsecured faucets and mismatching carpet

Oh House!

An incompetent contractor built you
without using levels, T-squares, or chalk lines
He was not aware that kitchen cabinets and refrigerator doors need to fully open
in order to function properly
An incompetent contractor who forgot to put the bathroom doors back on their hinges
Who left behind pipes that drip, wood scraps in the backyard
and carpet tacks sticking up through the carpet for bare feet to find

Oh dreadful House!
I see your mates all over Dunedin

Screw the Cork

FYI: 90% of New Zealand wines and most Australian wines have screw tops. If you bring a bottle of wine with a cork to a dinner party here, but sure to bring your own corkscrew too, 'cause some kitchens don't have them!

Chinese Democracy in New Zealand?

Yes, Chinese Democracy is alive and well in New Zealand, in the form of the latest album from Guns n’ Roses, that is!

Remember Guns n’ Roses, those long-haired, bandanna-wearing rockers who welcomed you to the jungle back in 1987…? Well, Axel Rose has certainly found an enthusiastic and dedicated audience in Kiwis. In fact, from what I’ve heard, Guns n’ Roses appear to be an institution in New Zealand. The airwaves are crammed with songs from Chinese Democracy, and on any given Friday night, pubs are wallpapered with Axle’s voice screeching out Sweet Child Of Mine.

Now I like Guns n’ Roses every once in awhile, but it still strikes me as odd that out of all the great American rock bands, Guns n’ Roses would be so incredibly popular here in New Zealand. It’s almost as bizarre as David Hasselhoff’s über popularity in Germany. Almost.

Black Paua!

Paua (pronounced pow-a) is Maori for abalone and the black paua is the most abundant here in New Zealand. The black paua was a staple in the Maori diet and the shell was prized as a treasure. Today you can often find paua shells washed up on the beach and carved paua jewelry is very popular tourist souvenir.

I grew up eating abalone, thanks to my dad and uncles, and I absolutely love it, so I am excited to catch, er, pry some off the rocks at some point. In our area the legal limit is 10 paua per person, per day and they must be at least 5 inches long.

If you’ve never had abalone, you are missing out. Abalone is like nothing you’ve ever tasted! When cooking it, I prefer to thinly slice it, dredge it in some egg and herbed breadcrumbs, and then lightly pan fry it in butter and olive oil. BBQ abalone is delicious, especially dipped in garlic-herb butter, and abalone chowder is amazing too. Next time you have the opportunity to eat fresh abalone (don’t even think about that canned crap), go for it!

Red Red WIne

OK, lets talk about New Zealand wine (finally). Everyone knows that New Zealand makes excellent Sauvignon Blancs and Chardonnays. Go to your local supermarket in the States and you’ll see heaps of these Kiwi wines on the shelves. Personally, I’m not much of a white wine drinker and I absolutely loathe buttery-oaky Chardonnay. But I do like the sweeter whites and there are some delicious Rieslings, Gewürztraminers, and late harvest wines here. I plan on drinking lots of them, of course.

I can’t really say the same for New Zealand reds, yet. Pinot Noir is made and celebrated around the South Island, but so far I haven’t found any that I like. The Pinots I’ve had have been really dry and minerally. This is probably due to the fact that I can’t afford the good Pinots….

I tend to favor big reds, like juicy Zinfandels, smoky Merlots, and bold Cabernets. However, Zinfandel is a California thing and the reds I buy here are from Australia. With a warmer climate, Australian reds tend to be very similar to California reds. I did find a Ravenswood Zinfandel in a wine merchant shop here in Dunedin. Of course I didn’t buy it, it was triple the price you would pay in the U.S. and I’m trying to expand my wine horizons while I’m here.

Although, choosing a wine from the crowded shelves at the market can be a bit overwhelming. There are so many wines from New Zealand and Australia and I don’t recognize any of them! Actually, that’s not true. I know Yellow Tail quite well, and yes, I have bought it here in a state of petrifying panic at having to quickly choose a bottle from so many unfamiliar and unheard of wineries. But this only happens if my partner is shopping with me……

In the face of such adversity, I have adopted a system of choosing a bottle according to its label (after the price of course). Kiwis and Aussies are not stuffy or pretentious about their label art and there are some cool labels to be found here! So far my method has met with reasonable success. I am hoping to get out to some wineries in the next month for tastings so I can find some truly great New Zealand wines.

The Kakapo: World’s Horniest Bird

The Kakapo is a flightless, nocturnal parrot with whiskers that can only be found on two remote and predator-free islands off of the South Island. And if this bird doesn’t sound strange enough, the Kakapo has an even more bizarre mating ritual. After spending days cleaning and building a bowl-like stage on the forest floor, the male Kakapo calls for a female by booming, which is a low frequency sort of growl produced by inflating a thoracic sac. The boom travels for miles through the forest and males have been known to boom for 8 hours a night! He also produces a few chirps and squeals, hoping to attract a mate to his carefully crafted love-nest.

The Kakapo was hunted to near extinction for food and feathers by the Maori and white settlers and was extremely vulnerable to introduced predators. Today, the Department of Conservation is doing its best to breed these rare birds in the Kakapo Recovery Program. But there is one small problem: There are only 90 known Kakapo in existence, making reproduction a bit difficult. In fact, male Kakapo get so desperate for a mate that they have been known to “attack” humans in an attempt to mate with something, anything!

As part of the breeding program, DOC created mechanical female Kakapo in the hopes that the males would “mate” with it and deposit sperm so that real Kakapo females could be artificially inseminated. So far, male Kakapo haven’t been desperate enough to “take advantage” of the remote-control birds. But give them a few more years….those mechanical females might start looking better and better!

Just Bulldoze and Start Over!

Compared to the insanely expensive California real estate market, homes are cheap around the South Island, especially here in Dunedin. There are many factors that contribute to the housing market: the weak economy, the overall low cost of living in New Zealand, the surplus of empty homes on the market, the low-quality of construction….Of course there are some very up-market homes too, especially new houses in Queenstown, but they are generally few and far between.

What ever the reason for inexpensive real estate, its astounding to look through the property paper delivered to our home each week. $150,000 US can get you a 3 bedroom, 1 bathroom home with a 2-car garage, “rumpus” room, and incredible views, often of the ocean. Imagine the cost of that in California!

Unfortunately, many of the homes are very old and need (a lot of) work. Many ads include the words: DIY, Has Potential, Renovate, Needs Work, Rebuild, and TLC. And yes, I've even seen “ready to renovate or just bulldoze and start over.” Seems like owners just let homes go here.

I especially love the tag lines that Realtors use for each house. They must put a lot of work into creating these.

Here are some gems I found last week:

Vendor Wants Action
Renovator’s Delight
Watch the World Go By
Gilt Edged Investment
Potential Plus
Oozes Character
You Can Be Happy Here
Calling All Handymen
Honey, Stop the Car
Restore, Restore, Restore
Good Bones, Great Potential
Warm As
Bachelors/Bachelorettes: Come and Get It

And my personal favorite….

As Scarce as Hen’s Teeth

Dunedin Wildlife

A Mullet in its natural habitat on the streets of Dunedin.

Where Dial-Up Goes to Die

Do you know how much Internet bandwidth you use per a month in your house? Yeah, me neither. But here in New Zealand you need to know.

For home Internet access, you must subscribe to packages according to how much bandwidth you plan to use per month and the speed you want. This applies to both uploading and downloading. If you happen to go over your monthly limit, your access is slowed to dial-up speed. Goodbye podcasts, YouTube, Skype, and streaming radio. *Sigh*

Coming from the U.S. where Internet is fast and use is unlimited, I have absolutely no idea how much bandwidth I use. We don't have Internet at home yet because all the plans in our area require a land line, which we don't have and don't want to pay for. There are so many different packages and add-ons that it gets a bit overwhelming. Here are some packages offered by the main Internet provider. Let me know if you can make some sense of it.....

Broadband Plans	Speed (Downstream/Upstream)	Usage Allowance	Monthly Charge	Additional Usage
HighSpeed 10G	Up to 4 Mbps / 2 Mbps	10G	$54.95	1G packs at $2.95 per pack
LightSpeed 20G	Up to 10 Mbps / 2 Mbps	20G	$79.95	1G packs at $2.95 per pack
LightSpeed 40G	Up to 10 Mbps / 2 Mbps	40G	$109.95	2G packs at $2.95 per pack
LightSpeed 80G	Up to 10 Mbps / 2 Mbps	80G	$149.95	2G packs at $2.95 per pack

We are looking into an unlimited wireless option but the initial set-up costs are astronomical and speed cannot be guaranteed at any one time.

I do have fast wireless Internet access on my computer through the research I do at the University, but my use has to be paid for according to how much I use. When the IT department help set up my personal network, I asked about bandwidth use but they couldn't tell me how much the average student uses.

It would be nice to have some sort of Internet usage meter on my computer to let me know how much bandwidth I'm using and the associated costs. For now, I'll just use the University network until I get a bill.

Speaking of Sunsets...

View from our dining room the other night....

Waitangi Day

February 6 is Waitangi Day, the national holiday here in New Zealand that marks the signing of the Treaty of Waitangi in 1840. In that year, representatives of the British Crown and over 500 Maori chiefs signed what is New Zealand’s founding document. The day was first officially commemorated in 1934, and it has been a public holiday since 1974.

The Treaty was signed at Waitangi in the Bay of Islands on the North Island. The Treaty itself is short, consisting of only three articles that officially made New Zealand part of the British Empire, guaranteed Maori rights to their land, and gave Maori the rights of British citizens. However, English and Maori versions of the Treaty differ significantly so there is no real consensus as to exactly what was agreed on.

Although the Treaty is generally seen as marking the beginning of the New Zealand nation, it was largely ignored for more than a century after its signing, and various legal judgements ruled it irrelevant to New Zealand law and government. Despite this, Maori frequently used it to argue that their rights were being denied.

Today, the style and mood of the celebrations on Waitangi Day have been influenced by the increasingly heated debate surrounding the place of the Treaty in modern New Zealand. The commemoration has often been the focus of protest by Maori activists and is often marked by controversy. Protest groups argue that the Treaty was a fraud with which Pakeha, or white New Zealanders, conned Maori out of their land.

Just yesterday, Prime Minister John Key was attacked by 2 Maori men at the Waitangi Day celebrations. While watching the news clips of the attacks, I had flashbacks of shoes flung at a certain former U.S. President....

While I enjoy learning about New Zealand's history and culture, I can't help but feel guilty about celebrating Waitangi Day. It would be like Americans celebrating a day to commemorate the many treaties that conned Native Americans out of their lands in the United States. On that note, the sun is out and my boyfriend has the day off so we're heading out for a hike!

Ranginui's Colors

Ranginui is the Maori sky father, and boy, he is quite the artist. The sky is amazing here, it is just so....beautiful! I think it has something to do with the dynamic weather patterns and the absence of air pollution. When the sun is out, the sky is a brilliant ultramarine blue that defies desciption. And without smog, the sky is immense and goes on forever.

If your into nephrology (the study of clouds and cloud formations), then New Zealand is your Nirvana. The high winds are constantly sculpting the clouds into amazing shapes and forms. Today, there is a checker-board of white cotton puffs streaking across the sky under an intense sun that absolutely demands sunglasses.

Sunsets are also spectacular and often last for an hour if there are clouds involved, which is most evenings. Every night we are treated to a dazzling display of colors that bathe the land in a rosy glow. Streaks of silver and gold break through the clouds and the sky slowly fades from yellow to orange, red to purple, and into deep indigo darkness. It's breathtaking! On a clear night, the stars are incredibly numerous and bright and we are slowly learning the constellations in our new Southern Hemisphere sky.

Right now the sun is setting around 9:30 so our days are long. I'll be getting back to you in the Winter when we only get about 8 hours of daylight.......But for now, we are enjoying the 15 hour-long days and their impressive displays.

Miss-ed America

Living so far from home there are, inevitably, some aspects of American life that I miss. And of course, there are some things that I definitely do not miss. Here they are:

Things I miss:

Mexican Food-Broccoli on nachos is NOT Mexican food people

Predictable Weather-Apparently 2 days of sunshine in a row is asking for too much

Good Cheese-Unless you're Oprah, cheese is a luxury here. So your choices are big bricks of: Mild, Tasty, Edam, and Vintage. Go wild.

NPR-Fresh Air, Wait Wait Don't Tell Me, The World, Talk of the Nation, This American Life, The Splendid Table, even Click & Clack.....Oh how I miss you! (No streaming radio or podcasts here, see below)

A Good Bagel-Oi

Unlimited, Fast Internet Access-In NZ you pay according to how much bandwidth you use, both downloading and uploading. If you go over your monthly limit, you are punished with dial-up speed. This may be a human rights violation.....

Fresh Herbs-I paid $4.00 for about 3 springs of cilantro, err, coriander (P.S. the "h" in herbs is not silent here)

Pounds, Ounces, Gallons, Calories, Fahrenheits & Miles-It's 14 degrees Celsius outside, I put 24 liters of petrol in the car yesterday, my ice cream bar contains 13025 kilojoules, I don't know how many kilograms I weigh, but I get to drive 100 kilometers an hour. Huh?

Things I DO NOT miss about America:

Traffic-Rush hour in Dunedin lasts, oh, about 10 minutes

Health Insurance-Everyone in NZ is covered by a National Health Care System that works (most of the time, anyway)

American Beef Industry-Kiwi cattle are free to roam the hills and munch on grass all day long

Mass Consumerism-There is no real pressure here to have the newest, latest, or greatest

Homeless People-Maybe it's too cold for them this far south, but the only people peeing in the streets are drunk Uni students

Corrupt Politicians-New Zealand is considered one of the least corrupt countries in the world (along with Denmark & Finland). It's a lot harder to hide dirty deals in a small country

What You See Is What You Get: Truth in Labeling

Gangrene? Check. Mouth Cancer? Check. Impotency? Check. These are only a few of the harmful side effects of smoking that are included as graphic warning labels on cigarette packs (like the one above) in New Zealand.

As of February 2008, the New Zealand government requires all cigarette packs sold in the country to include a picture in an effort to inform smokers about the risks of smoking and to discourage new smokers. Now, these graphic images (and I mean graphic) cover 90% of the back of the package and 30% of the front. The warnings appear in both English and Maori and a free phone number to the Quit Smoking hotline is advertised. Other countries that include graphic warnings on cigarette packs include Singapore, Australia, the UK, Canada and Brazil.

Sometimes I see empty packs on the ground and it's quite disturbing to view liver cancer so up close and personal. It's even more disturbing to see people still smoking, including the very pregnant 16 year old girl I saw the other day.....Brilliant.

Mullet Spotting

I'm sorry, but the mullet has got to be the worst hairstyle ever created. Why on earth would you want to look like Billy Ray Cyrus or a porn star? Unfortunately, variations of the mullet, including the repulsive rat tail, are extremely popular here in Dunedin. Both men and women sport these hideous hair creations, which are often emphasized with colored highlights. I've even seen one guy with leopard spots bleached into his mangy strip of hair. Sadly, little boys, as young as 4 or 5 years old, have mini-mullets to match their dad's stunning mud flap.

Mullets have also infiltrated the sports arena. In fact, some sportscasters have even commented on the trend, questioning the players' choice in hairstyles. The photo above depicts a rugby player from an Otago team, the Highlanders, who has apparently started the mullet trend on his team.

A few years ago, there was a resurgence of the mullet in the U.S., but this trend tended to be more of an ironic fashion statement than a serious hairstyle. People had mullets as a joke. Not so in Dunedin. Here, you can have your business in the front and party in the back, too.