Returning Home: First Impressions

3 flights and 25 hours later I'm back in the States. I feel like possum roadkill and I'm a bit overwhelmed with reverse culture shock, but I wanted to mention some things that I have noticed about being back in the US:

1. There is so much air pollution! Coming in for a landing in San Francisco I couldn't help but notice the gray-brown smog sitting over the Bay Area. New Zealand definitely doesn't have this problem. NZ skies are piercing blue and sparkling clean.

2. They drive on the other side of the road here! Every time we made a turn coming home from the airport, I got freaked out. I don't think I'll be getting behind the wheel anytime soon...

3. Speaking of driving...the roads here are wide and packed with huge, speeding cars, but no tailgaters. Yipeeee!

4. The hot and cold faucets are switched and water comes out of one spigot. I love this, especially when washing my face in the bathroom sink.

5. It's a bit cold out but my house is warm inside!

6. Hot water pressure actually exists.

7. I don't have to worry about how much Internet bandwidth I'm using. I can return to downloading podcasts to my heart's content!

8. There is no Tui song to begin my day.

9. There are lots of snakes, lizards, bugs and spiders. Ugh.

10. Clothes dryer = no more lint ball.

11. The land of plenty has become the land of too much. The consumerism is overwhelming!

12. I'm already missing all the things I said I would miss about New Zealand in an earlier post.

A Learning Experience

My time in New Zealand has been a huge learning experience. I've learned

sometimes you have to adjust your expectations

it's OK to ask questions about things you don't understand

how it feels to be foreign, new, strange, and different

that I don't like cold, rainy weather

to read more than the guidebooks before you move to a new place

that sometimes you have to give something up to discover something new

how to drive on the left-hand side of the road

that I like lamb more than I thought

that I need my friends and family closer than I thought

that it is possible to hear bagpipes in the South Pacific

when in doubt, always carry an umbrella

I'll Miss...

Beautiful sunsets
The scent of flax flowers
Grass-fed lamb & beef
The Tui's song
New wines
Maori TV
Maori radio
Southern hemisphere constellations
Hedgehogs
Crazy geological formations
Rainbows
Pasha's restaurant
Cabbage trees
Cider on tap
Summer sunsets at 10pm
No traffic
Bacon Butties
Sheep
Tim Tams
Nikau palms
Fresh feijoas
Apricots, peaches, cherries & plums in January
Thyme-covered hills of Central Otago
Knowing I can go curling anytime I want
Curious fantalis
UB spotting
Mountain beech forests
A wood pigeon's crash landing
Empty white-sand beaches
Fields of lupine in bloom
Podocarp trees
Beach combing
Kiwi words & phrases
Penguins

....and Y

Dunedin Wildlife

A Mullet in its natural habitat on the streets of Dunedin.

Where Dial-Up Goes to Die

Do you know how much Internet bandwidth you use per a month in your house? Yeah, me neither. But here in New Zealand you need to know.

For home Internet access, you must subscribe to packages according to how much bandwidth you plan to use per month and the speed you want. This applies to both uploading and downloading. If you happen to go over your monthly limit, your access is slowed to dial-up speed. Goodbye podcasts, YouTube, Skype, and streaming radio. *Sigh*

Coming from the U.S. where Internet is fast and use is unlimited, I have absolutely no idea how much bandwidth I use. We don't have Internet at home yet because all the plans in our area require a land line, which we don't have and don't want to pay for. There are so many different packages and add-ons that it gets a bit overwhelming. Here are some packages offered by the main Internet provider. Let me know if you can make some sense of it.....

Broadband Plans	Speed (Downstream/Upstream)	Usage Allowance	Monthly Charge	Additional Usage
HighSpeed 10G	Up to 4 Mbps / 2 Mbps	10G	$54.95	1G packs at $2.95 per pack
LightSpeed 20G	Up to 10 Mbps / 2 Mbps	20G	$79.95	1G packs at $2.95 per pack
LightSpeed 40G	Up to 10 Mbps / 2 Mbps	40G	$109.95	2G packs at $2.95 per pack
LightSpeed 80G	Up to 10 Mbps / 2 Mbps	80G	$149.95	2G packs at $2.95 per pack

We are looking into an unlimited wireless option but the initial set-up costs are astronomical and speed cannot be guaranteed at any one time.

I do have fast wireless Internet access on my computer through the research I do at the University, but my use has to be paid for according to how much I use. When the IT department help set up my personal network, I asked about bandwidth use but they couldn't tell me how much the average student uses.

It would be nice to have some sort of Internet usage meter on my computer to let me know how much bandwidth I'm using and the associated costs. For now, I'll just use the University network until I get a bill.

Miss-ed America

Living so far from home there are, inevitably, some aspects of American life that I miss. And of course, there are some things that I definitely do not miss. Here they are:

Things I miss:

Mexican Food-Broccoli on nachos is NOT Mexican food people

Predictable Weather-Apparently 2 days of sunshine in a row is asking for too much

Good Cheese-Unless you're Oprah, cheese is a luxury here. So your choices are big bricks of: Mild, Tasty, Edam, and Vintage. Go wild.

NPR-Fresh Air, Wait Wait Don't Tell Me, The World, Talk of the Nation, This American Life, The Splendid Table, even Click & Clack.....Oh how I miss you! (No streaming radio or podcasts here, see below)

A Good Bagel-Oi

Unlimited, Fast Internet Access-In NZ you pay according to how much bandwidth you use, both downloading and uploading. If you go over your monthly limit, you are punished with dial-up speed. This may be a human rights violation.....

Fresh Herbs-I paid $4.00 for about 3 springs of cilantro, err, coriander (P.S. the "h" in herbs is not silent here)

Pounds, Ounces, Gallons, Calories, Fahrenheits & Miles-It's 14 degrees Celsius outside, I put 24 liters of petrol in the car yesterday, my ice cream bar contains 13025 kilojoules, I don't know how many kilograms I weigh, but I get to drive 100 kilometers an hour. Huh?

Things I DO NOT miss about America:

Traffic-Rush hour in Dunedin lasts, oh, about 10 minutes

Health Insurance-Everyone in NZ is covered by a National Health Care System that works (most of the time, anyway)

American Beef Industry-Kiwi cattle are free to roam the hills and munch on grass all day long

Mass Consumerism-There is no real pressure here to have the newest, latest, or greatest

Homeless People-Maybe it's too cold for them this far south, but the only people peeing in the streets are drunk Uni students

Corrupt Politicians-New Zealand is considered one of the least corrupt countries in the world (along with Denmark & Finland). It's a lot harder to hide dirty deals in a small country

What You See Is What You Get: Truth in Labeling

Gangrene? Check. Mouth Cancer? Check. Impotency? Check. These are only a few of the harmful side effects of smoking that are included as graphic warning labels on cigarette packs (like the one above) in New Zealand.

As of February 2008, the New Zealand government requires all cigarette packs sold in the country to include a picture in an effort to inform smokers about the risks of smoking and to discourage new smokers. Now, these graphic images (and I mean graphic) cover 90% of the back of the package and 30% of the front. The warnings appear in both English and Maori and a free phone number to the Quit Smoking hotline is advertised. Other countries that include graphic warnings on cigarette packs include Singapore, Australia, the UK, Canada and Brazil.

Sometimes I see empty packs on the ground and it's quite disturbing to view liver cancer so up close and personal. It's even more disturbing to see people still smoking, including the very pregnant 16 year old girl I saw the other day.....Brilliant.

Mullet Spotting

I'm sorry, but the mullet has got to be the worst hairstyle ever created. Why on earth would you want to look like Billy Ray Cyrus or a porn star? Unfortunately, variations of the mullet, including the repulsive rat tail, are extremely popular here in Dunedin. Both men and women sport these hideous hair creations, which are often emphasized with colored highlights. I've even seen one guy with leopard spots bleached into his mangy strip of hair. Sadly, little boys, as young as 4 or 5 years old, have mini-mullets to match their dad's stunning mud flap.

Mullets have also infiltrated the sports arena. In fact, some sportscasters have even commented on the trend, questioning the players' choice in hairstyles. The photo above depicts a rugby player from an Otago team, the Highlanders, who has apparently started the mullet trend on his team.

A few years ago, there was a resurgence of the mullet in the U.S., but this trend tended to be more of an ironic fashion statement than a serious hairstyle. People had mullets as a joke. Not so in Dunedin. Here, you can have your business in the front and party in the back, too.

Who Wears Short Shorts?

Kiwi men do! I have never seen so many upper (and inner) thighs of men as I have here in New Zealand. Apparently these incredibly short shorts are called 'stubbies' and have been around for a while. Think 1970s corduroy OPs or UPS Man, and then go shorter. Kiwi men who wear short shorts include the mail carrier, road workers, truck drivers, farmers, construction workers and rugby players. At least, as athletes, the rugby players usually have shapely legs, but still...

This You Tube video showcases 'stubbies' in an add for L&P, a popular soft-drink here in New Zealand:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GSFCvG6curE

Starring America

I haven’t owned a TV in years and I find very few merits in watching television. Call me a TV snob but I’d rather read. Besides, cable is expensive, I loathe commercials, I watch movies on my laptop, and most of the HBO, Discovery or History channel shows that I like can be found on DVD. But now that I’m millions of miles from home and am the proud owner of a TV, I can’t help but feel nostalgic for some good ol’American entertainment. Even if this means watching shows that I would never watch back home (or at least admit to watching). There’s something about hearing the American accent, seeing American cities and landscapes, laughing along to American humor, laughing at American stupidity….It’s like going home without the plan ticket!

Our huge Soviet-era TV only gets 6 to 8 channels, depending on the angle of the rusty wire antenna, but many American TV shows are popular here, especially reality shows. Apparently Beauty and the Geek was a huge hit, as is The Girls Next Door (c’mon, it’s Playboy). Other shows that we’ve seen include Extreme Home Makeover, Fear Factor, America’s Next Top Model, Survivor, and My Super Sweet Sixteen (seriously, where do they find those kids? Oh yeah, America…). Other shows that are popular with Kiwis are Lost, Grey's Anatomy, Desperate Housewives, Scrubs and Seinfeld.

It’s quite unsettling to watch these shows and think, “Wow! This is how Americans are represented to those living outside the U.S. No wonder everyone thinks we’re crazy!” We come across as spoiled, immoral, greedy, un-educated, un-healthy, plastic surgery-obsessed, and aggressive. Ouch. But it’s entertainment and for 30 minutes I can lose myself in the silliness of American life.

Once in a while we even catch a movie on the basic channels. Most of these films don’t improve our image much but they sure are fun. We’ve seen some real gems of American cinema. These include:

The Day After Tomorrow-Might have been good on the big screen with all the special effects. Although, any movie that combines the science of climate change, rabid wolves, and Dennis Quaid is skating on thin ice.

Alien vs. Predator-This one has it all: big guns, the brave female, the complicated foreigner, the amnesiac old man, ancient mythology, shamefully bad dialogue, and dripping slime. We miss you Sigourney and Arnold!

Failure to Launch-Two words: Matthew McConaughey. Three words: Straight to video.

P.S. Kiwi shows aren't any better, but I'll save that for another day.

Hi, I'm a Lint Ball: Life Without a Dryer

We don't have a clothes dryer here. Electricity is very expensive in New Zealand so we try to save as much as possible on our energy bill. Which means we dry our laundry on the clothes line out in the backyard or on 2 large drying racks we keep in the living room. It's not uncommon to walk by a house and see knickers drying in the window. This works out great on warm, sunny days, but drying can take 3 days or more when it's cold and wet out. You also have to be careful on extremely sunny days: The sun is so intense that it doesn't take very long to sun-bleach colorful laundry.

I don't mind hanging clothes out to dry. I brought only cotton, wool, and linen clothes with me so drying is easy and I don't have to deal with dry cleaning. Although, I do miss the shrinking effects of the dryer's heat on my jeans and t-shirts. Some of my shirts are so stretched out from the washer's turbo spin cycle that sometimes I think they are my boyfriend's shirts.

And now I understand the vital importance of a lint screen. Without a dryer, all the lint clings to my clothing and I look like a walking ball of lint. Where does that stuff come from? No amount of sticky lint rollers or tape can combat the army of lint that accumulates on my clothes. Oh well, we save energy without a dryer and that means I can run the heat pump in the cold winter months.....at least I'll be a warm lint ball!

Extra, Extra! Read All About It!

Just for fun, here is a sampling of recent New Zealand headlines:

Winning Cherry Pip Spitter Reveals his Secrets
(Finally! I've been trying to figure out his secrets for years!)

Frog Ambassador Pays Visit
(From the country of Frog?)

Crowds Turn Out to See Damn Spills
(They do say three's a crowd)

Idea of a Pet Cemetery is Being Considered
(NIMBY)

School Garden Now Bunny-Proof
(Phew! I was getting so worried)

Girl Wins Model Aircraft Hat Trick
(Darn, I was perfecting my model submarine toe-flip kick)

Success for 71-year old Power Lifter
(You think Viagara had anything to do with it?)

Ban on Israelis Opposed
(Extreme Protest-the newest extreme sport to be introduced in the adventure capitol of the world)

Nerds Come to the Rescue
(What exactly were they rescuing...lost pocket protectors?)

Woman Catches Neighbor Going Through Underwear
(A knicker snatcher!)

Qualified Embalmer Back in Business
(You mean there was an un-qualified embalmer doing business at some point?)

Gifted Shooter Wins NZ Deerstalking Association Award
(Apparently it was a slow day in the newsroom...)

Department Of Conservation Arms Bats Against Rats
(What, with teeny tiny snap traps and cans of poison?)

Lego Olympics Spawn Lego Fever in NZ
(On your mark, get set, LEGO!)

French Horn Fun for Family
(This one time, at Band Camp....)

Cash for Bald Head Billboards
(No joke, Air New Zealand wanted to temporarily tattoo heads for new advertisements)

Lizards Not at Risk From Wind Farms
(Referring to those lizards flying in V-formation?)

Skater Boobs on Ice
(Video included!)

Goodbye Bush
(A new add for Veet hair removal product. BRILLIANT!)

New Zealanders Apply to Test Condoms
(Crickey Dick!)

A Few Random Observations....

1. Every electrical outlet has an on/off switch in order to conserve energy which is a GREAT idea that should be introduced back in the States.

2. You can experience all 4 seasons in 1 day: You must be prepared for ALL types of weather every day, this includes a 30 degree F variation with rain.

3. Kiwi-grown produce is often more expensive than imports because most of the good produce is sent abroad. But kiwi fruit is imported from Italy.

4. Dinner parties include discussions about heat pumps.

5. Eggs are not refrigerated and can be found on shelves within an aisle at the supermarket.

6. Shopping carts are called "trundlers" and have their own "trundler park"

7. Guns & Roses, AC/DC, and Rod Stewart are extremely popular here.

8. Ballet performances include concessions and alcohol that are allowed inside the theatre.

9. Tea time is taken very seriously and Kiwi employers must supply their employees with tea, coffee, milk and sugar.

10. Some foods are perplexingly expensive, such as soy sauce, coconut milk, rice vinegar, lemons, cilantro. Strange, since we are so close to SE Asia and the cuisine from these countries is popular here.

11. Sliced bread comes in 2 thicknesses: sandwich and toast.

12. Mullet and tail hairstyles are incredibly popular among teenagers and Uni students.

Land of the Long List of Opposites & Contradictions

Life in New Zealand consists of a long list of opposites (for those of us from the northern hemisphere) and contradictions. Among others, these include driving on the left hand side of the road, light switches where the down position is on, cold weather from the south direction, Christmas in the Summer, icy winds and burning sunshine, sheep pastures and tropical flowers, abundant local fresh fruit and vegetables that are shipped overseas, beautiful white sand beaches along freeing cold ocean, water shortages but no home water meters, flightless nocturnal parrots…..

Over the course of the next year I hope to expand on many of these topics.

First Impressions: October 28 2008

Excerpts from This my first e-mail home, sent the day I arrived (very jet-lagged) on October 28, 2008

"Well, New Zealand is beautiful, of course!! Flying in was amazing: Green, green, green!!! And patches of fluffy white sheep (and snow). In fact, it's lambing season so there are lots of wee little ones running around, they are so cute, I want one for our backyard! Dunedin is a cute college town (just over 100,000 people) filled with little cafes, shops and markets. It's surrounded by hills and actually has the steepest street in the world. I can't wait to explore the Otago Peninsula and look for the penguins on the beach!

Yesterday (Monday) was Labor Day holiday and it was very warm so we walked around the Botanical Gardens. Since it's spring here, everything is in bloom and smells wonderful. It's strange, I feel like I am in a cross of England with all the organized fields, old brick buildings and Victorian architecture, and Hawaii with the tropical plants, fruit, and strange birds. The grocery store is filled with lots of different foods I can't wait to try!

Our house is so cute with AMAZING views of the ocean and harbor. Although, it's big and we don't have much furniture to fill it yet. We are up on a hill so we do get some wind, which can be biting cold when it blows from the south (meaning Antarctica). The weather changes so quickly here, you always have to be prepared for everything, sort of like SF, but with intense burning sun and snow thrown into the days mix. When the sun does shine, it's FIERCE! Not sure where the ozone went, but sunscreen is a must when you leave the house.

I am settling in nicely, getting a tax number (needed to work here) and bank account. I'll be looking for work soon as I am finishing up my thesis. I will also be driving our tiny 3 cylinder car soon so I need to get used to being on the left side of the road! I keep walking to the wrong side of the car to get in as a passenger. I have to remember to look right when crossing the road!"